10 Things My Wife Forbids Me to Do

Mad wife ready to smack husband

When you’re a kid life is just sooo unfair, right? You can’t eat dessert until you finish your veggies. You have a bedtime, then later on a curfew. You just can’t do anything you want!

How many times did your younger self say, “I cannot wait until I’m an adult”? Yeah, every second of every day, I bet. But guess what? You grow up, get married, start a family and… you still can’t do everything you want to do!

Sure you’ve got a lot more freedom but you’ve also got a lot more responsibilities. In fact, there’s actually a ton of things my wife doesn’t just disapprove of me doing… she outright forbids me! Seeing as how she does an incredibly awesome job of cooking, cleaning, and you-know-what-ing for me, I guess I have to listen to her.

So for you curious folks out there, here’s a list of the 10 Things My Wife Forbids Me to Do:


Gross dirty cooking pan1. Cook Rice

Yes, you read correctly. I am not allowed to ever cook rice in my own home. I can’t even stir a pot of rice if she’s cooking it. Why? Simple. Because I somehow manage to completely screw things up… Every. Single. Time.

2. Use the Dishwasher

Apparently I have no idea how to properly put dishes in the dishwasher, because every single time I try, I’m scolded and told to stop putting dishes in there backwards. So now I just leave everything in the sink, and honestly, everyone’s happier and better off that way.

Really cute little guy3.  Go Skydiving

Not that I have a strong desire to do it, but I don’t think anything freaks my wife out more than the concept of me skydiving. I had the opportunity to go once when I was younger (post college), but chickened out. Now that I’ve got a wife and kids, it’s really not worth the risk. Plus, now I can just blame it on my wife instead of saying I’m chicken.

4. Fold Laundry

Okay, not just laundry but towels, blankets, or anything else that needs folding. I never went to the Gap School of Folding Clothes, so if I fold anything, it somehow looks like a 3 year old’s origami project.

5. Wear Shoes in the Bedroom

This one isn’t just me, it’s anybody.  My wife cannot stand anyone wearing their shoes throughout the house, especially if they go upstairs to all the bedrooms. When you think about it, it is kind of gross since you walk outside on the street in them and then track all that dirt and germs with you. Who wants that in their bedroom? Good thing I actually prefer being barefoot as much as I can.

Super cheesy mustache on reporter6. Grow a Mustache

My wife is DYING for me to grow a beard. Or even a goatee. I’ve done it before and actually won a “Beard Off” at work years ago, if I do say so myself. It’s just so itchy and no way I’m doing it in the summer. But a mustache? I agree with her that for the most part they can just look incredibly cheesy, so I’m cool with this rule.

7. Wear Black Sneakers

Okay, she doesn’t really forbid me, since I do have a pair that I used to exercise at home. But she won’t let me leave the house in them since I look completely ridiculous in them. Don’t ask.

Movie Pack of Nestle Sno-Caps8. Eat Sno-Caps in the House

There was an “incident” that I”d rather not get into. Let’s just say I love me some Sno-Caps and get them every time I go to the movies. But for very good reasons (I’ll blame my 9 year old), I can no longer enjoy those tasty little morsels within the confines of my own house. Hmm…. maybe if I eat them in the bathtub it’ll be okay…

9. Eat a Buffalo Chicken Wrap from The Dog House 

Incredibly hot attractive woman

If my wife didn’t forbid this one, I think I may’ve self-imposed it. There’s this restaurant near us called The Dog House. It’s got a crazy varied menu and just about everything they make is awesome. The Buffalo Chicken Wrap is probably the best I’ve ever had. But… it also has the worst effects on my digestive system. Meaning: It makes me produce the most toxic farts ever. I mean REALLY bad. So bad I almost knocked myself out. So yeah, it’s best to stay away from this one.

10. Bring a Blonde Bombshell into the Bedroom

I can’t really explain this one. Seems pretty reasonable to me.

What does your wife forbid you to do? (And do you listen?)

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

18 thoughts on “10 Things My Wife Forbids Me to Do”

  1. It’s funny how many wives want help while other wives want their husbands simply not to get in the way ! I don’t like my husband loading the dishwasher, doing the laundry or buying big ticket items without letting me know WAY in advance so I can save for it first.

    • Howdy, Erin! Okay, so that makes me feel a bit better about myself. I thought it was just me that wasn’t allowed to do those things. 🙂

  2. Numbers 8 and 10 are my favorite!

    I also forbid my husband to cook (he is a HORRIBLE cook), load the dishwasher and fold clothes (with the exception of sheets – he does a great job with sheets)!

    • My wife actually wants me to cook! We used to cook together all the time before we had kids. Now, I just don’t have it in me for some reason. And wait, your hubby can fold sheets but not clothes?!? How does that make any sense?

  3. As one of the few male bloggers around here, I feel your pain! This especially hits home because I did a bit of skydiving in the 90s.:)

  4. You have GOT to get a rice cooker!! They are so fantastic and it makes that sticky rice..i could not live w/o one. ANd I agree on the stach. A little too porn star for me. Or child molester.


    • Hey, Trisha! Yeah, I know. We used to have one before we moved into our current house but somehow it didn’t make the trip. We love making sushi too, so it makes sense to get one. Regardless, I’d still manage to burn it somehow. 😉

      And you’re dead right on the stache.

  5. I used to be really, um, strict about how I wanted my laundry folded. But then, one day when I was re-folding the folding that my husband had done, he said “If you want me to do laundry, I will, but if you don’t like the way I fold you can do it yourself.” That was 20 years ago, and he still folds the laundry in ways I don’t like, but I don’t have to do the laundry.

  6. My hubby is not allowed to get an airplane. Not that we could ever afford one but he is always talking about flying one of those little kit airplanes. Um, no.

    • Oh, yeah. Flying lessons are definitely out too. But I have zero desire to ever do that anyways!

  7. I don;t let my hubby cook. I would love him to cook but he ruins all the food he tries to cook. Sometimes I wonder if he is just doing that on purpose. Hmmmm.

  8. Ha! This is hilarious. I prefer if my husband does not unload the dishwasher – only because sometimes he puts things where I cannot find them! But I’m thankful when he helps 🙂 Funny list 🙂

    • Yeah, my wife’s not a fan of me doing that either. She hates when her mom babysits the kids, because my MIL always unloads the dishwasher and it takes us weeks to find anything!

    • Hmm. He gets cool points for actually having vinyl. But it’ll really depend on what he’s trying to blast…

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