Spider-Man, My Kids and the Kissing Episode

Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends Spider-Man Kiss

If you’ve been following my blog (and if you haven’t, why not?), you know that I recently discovered Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends on Netflix and I’ve been watching it with my kids regularly. It was easily my favorite cartoon as a kid and I just love watching it with my two boys now. But to this day, I don’t recall the infamous Spider-Man kiss.

We just finished them all, but there was a big problem with episode #22. I have very vague memories of this one, but my wife doesn’t recall it at all. She just kept screaming, “There is no way this ever aired. This has to be a lost episode. There is no way they aired this.”

Let me take you through this children’s cartoon episode from the mid 1980s…

Entitled “Spidey Meets the Girl From Tomorrow,” we start in the distant future where a brother and sister are joyriding on a spacecraft. They get a little too close to an area they’re not supposed to be in, stumble upon some humongous Nebula Crab and try to outrace it. They do some weird hyperspace stuff and slam on the breaks, only to cause a huge tear in time. And that’s when they crash land somewhere on Earth.

Peter Parker’s looking out of his trusty telescope and sees it crash. But so does the evil Doctor Octopus! When Peter shows up, the brother and sister think he’s an enemy and start attacking him. He calms them down and offers to help, making super googly eyes with the girl. As soon as Doc Ock appears, Peter runs off in the woods and the aliens think he’s a coward.

Spidey shows up, saves the day and the girl knows he’s actually Peter Parker. So as any good superhero protecting his secret identity does, Spidey just says, “You knew? How?” And then he… Takes. Off. His. Mask. Yeah, I’m pretty sure he violated a few superhero codes right there.

And then… they start making out. Yes, making out. Not just a peck on the cheek. Spidey puts his arms around her and the two start playing tonsil hockey. And yeah, this is some space girl he just met a few minutes ago. Definitely a far cry from the romantic upside-down Spider-Man kiss with Mary Jane from the movies.

Spidey makes out with alien girl Spider-Man Kiss

All of a sudden, Spidey’s in love. He’s literally jumping for joy and telling his new space gal that he wants to show her everything in his world. Doc Ock wants their spaceship so he keeps an eye on the scene (pervert), it starts snowing and then… yeah, Spidey starts kissing his gal again.

Woman from Space Kisses Spider-Man Spider-Man Kiss

At this point, Ryan and Jason aren’t going, “ewww” like most kids would. They start laughing hysterically and saying, “Spider-Man’s kissing a GIRL!” Despite their constant pestering, I refuse to rewind any of the kissy face scenes. One Spider-Man kiss is more than enough thank you very much.

Iceman and the girl’s alien brother head off to find some element underwater, Firestar heads to a volcano for a different one, and Spidey and his gal pal search for the third element that will help them get their ship going again. Nobody knows what that third element is until Spidey and his SO happen to make it to a zoo. A zoo? Yes, a zoo. Apparently they’re not fighting crime, they’re just on a hot date. When they see an elephant, the alien girl points out that the ivory in its tusks are the final element needed.

And that’s when my wife goes ballistic.

Spidey jumps on the elephant, pulls out a nail file and starts shaving off ivory from its tusks. It seems ol’ Web-Head is apparently now a poacher, looking to score ivory from some big game. He may as well team up with Kraven the Hunter at this point! Luckily, the alien girl finds a piece of ivory beneath the elephant and stops Spidey from his clearly criminal ways.

Spidey shaving elephant's tusks

The rest of the episode is mainly everyone fighting Doc Ock and then learning that the aliens can’t survive in our time period. They have virtually no immune system, so even a common cold from our time could kill them. They need to get back to the future (Cue, Marty McFly!), and fast. Spidey and his girl have some tearful goodbyes and then Spidey says something beyond ridiculous.

“I’m coming with you.”

Just like that. He met this alien girl today, kissed her a few times, shared a magical zoo moment with her, and now he’s just gonna jump in their ship and say see ya to the 20th century. No goodbye to Aunt May. No final hug for Ms. Lion. Not even bothering to pack a suitcase. He’s clearly so in love he can’t even think straight. That Spider-Man kiss is pretty darn powerful! And of course, his gal is so excited that it must be time for… another kiss!

Spider-Man Kissing Woman

Of course, this means it’s time to say goodbye to the Spider-Friends as well. Firestar and Iceman are pretty bummed but they do support their friend. So Spidey says goodbye to Angelica (that’s Firestar by the way) the way most people say goodbye to their friends who happen to be female. Yeah, with another Spider-Man kiss on the lips. Twice! In case you thought the first time was an accident, the wall-crawler locks lips with Firestar one more time before leaving her life for good.

Spider-Friends Make-Out Session Spider-Man Kiss

Spidey and his alien friends leave, making it back to the 48th century or wherever the heck they’re from. Things are great now, right? Of course not. The episode can’t end like that. So of course, reality sets in when the aliens’ father points out that Spider-Man can’t live with them. He’s full of germs and bacteria that could easily wipe out their population. Odd how a super genius like Peter Parker couldn’t see that one coming. Anyways, Spidey’s got to go back to his own time for everyone’s sake. But not before one final farewell kiss!

Tearful Goodbye for Spider-Man

He makes it home, reunites with the Spider-Friends and the episode ends. Yeah.

“Inappropriate!” was all my wife could utter at the end of the episode. My kids, on the other hand, just keep saying, “Again! Again! Let’s watch it again! I want to see the Kissing Episode again!”

I don’t usually agree with J. Jonah Jameson, but this time I think our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man may actually be a menace.

24 thoughts on “Spider-Man, My Kids and the Kissing Episode”

  1. OMG! This is hilarious! I think I would be cracking up! Except shaving ivory off an elephant’s tusk? WTH! Next he be hunting condor eggs for her!

    • Hey, Erin! Thanks for the comment. Yeah, isn’t it both hilarious and completely insane? I’m surprised he didn’t go shoot somebody in the face for his alien princess!

  2. I’m right there with your wife. It’s hard to believe that they aired this. It’s harder to believe that they even wrote this. The writers must have recently fallen in love (or lust). At least this episode presented you with lots of teachable moments. Don’t lock face with someone you just met. Don’t runaway with your new love without checking out your future in laws. And so on…Thanks for the laugh.

    • Hah! Glad I could make you laugh too, Nicole. Yeah, it is harder to believe that they wrote this. Then again, you just know people in the 60s and 70s were high as a kite when they wrote things like H.R. Puffnstuff, right?

      Good life lessons!

  3. I’m with your wife, I don’t think they aired that, did they? I’ve never seen that! I also agree with Lindsay, cartoon kissing is always hilarious, especially when they try to get all touchy-feely. LOL 🙂

    • No, no. They aired it. But maybe just once. I was talking with a friend of mine this weekend and he remembers parts of that episode too, just not the kissing. We must’ve blocked that horrifying memory out!

    • Hah! Yes, cartoon kissing is almost as hilarious as puppets kissing! And yes, that episode made zero sense whatsoever.

  4. Sofunny! I do not remember that at all! Sometimes my kids watch cartoons from when I was a kid and there are things in it that I am like “why would they do that?”but it never occurred to us in the 80s to think it was bad because it was cartoons,,,,it was fake,

    It’s almost like we,as kids, we’re able to distinguish between cartoon and real life so much better then than now.

    • Great point, Leah. So many times I’m watching a movie with the family, and my wife and I freak out at certain scary/violent parts, thinking the kids are going to be scarred for life. It either goes over their heads or they easily can distinguish like you said.

    • Oh, I’m sure they are. Lots of the more “adult” cartoons these days (Like Avengers or Star Wars: Clone Wars) are pretty violent and graphic.

      I remember watching G.I. Joe as a kid and every single time Cobra’s helicopters exploded, you ALWAYS saw the bad guys make it out alive and parachute down.

  5. I have a vague memory of this episode from when I was a kid. But I definitely don’t remember all that the kissing! I think we’re going to have to assume that Doc Ock had some sort of mind control going on for Spidey… yeah, that’s it. Tell your kids.

    • Same here, Dave. I kind of remember that Crab Nebula but I do not remember the kissing at all! Doc Ock’s not that smart either.

  6. OK see now we have a few seasons on DVD, not sure if we have them all, and I don’t remember this episode at all! I am definitely going to have to go check now! I don’t think I would find it inappropriate, though I would have to watch it to be sure, but definitely strange. Especially kissing 2 different girls within minutes. I don’t remember Peter Parker being so promiscuous.

    • You must have a different Spider-Man animated series on DVD, Marianna. They have yet to release Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends on DVD. Unless you’re talking about a bootleg copy. (I won’t say a word. Shhhh.) You can catch this episode on Netflix or probably find it on Youtube even.

      It was most definitely strange. My kids were fine with it and keep laughing, I just couldn’t believe this was an episode of a cartoon aimed at young children, though.

  7. I might feel differently if I had younger kids, but Jake’s a teenager and his obsession with super heroes is long gone. All I can do is look at the picture and giggle. Spiderman’s kind of a player in this episode. I’ve been complaining about all the movie re-do’s lately and then I caught a bit of the newest Spiderman trailer *sigh* guess I’ll have to watch it.

    • Totally. I couldn’t believe how ridiculous this whole episode was. Particularly the fact that it was 1000% Love at First Site with Spidey.

  8. I am not a huge stickler for hidden stuff in movies, I sort of let it slide. I am a bit laid back, maybe more than I should be. I also believe that too much of things like this do desensitize kissing, sex or what not other topics with kids if watched too often. I think back in the day many were less involved in the same mindset we seem to have these days. Honestly, I wonder if we do shelter our kids too much in some ways because prior generations, like olden days, they all turned out pretty good. There are some issues such as degrading woman that were okay back then that I don’t condone but still, when I think about how my grandparents & even great grandparents grew up (for my parents are still young at only 45 and 50 yrs of age) there seemed to be more family united ways working on farms and working together versus having kids doing what they do these days (not all kids but most) …. so while I agree this episode is inappropriate I am not sure it upsets me too much, but I can say, thank goodness my kids don’t know about this for the boys would totally want to watch it again & have the same response your kids did. Sorry for rambling, hopefully I got my point or opinion across without being mean.

    • Hey, Brandy. Wow, I didn’t expect a thesis on my post! 🙂 I was actually being a bit tongue and cheek on this one. I was just shocked that Spidey was such a player.

      I do get your point, though. You can’t put your kids in too big a bubble, but you also can’t desensitize them too much. It’s a fun balance, isn’t it?

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