My Quest to Capture a Can of Planters Cheez Balls

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Sunday, July 1, 2018. That’s the date I placed the order for my childhood. It’s also the date that Planters officially announced its long-lost Cheez Balls would be back for a limited time only.

Yes, I have a very unique love affair with Planters Cheez Balls. And I was so excited about them, and so scared they’d be sold out everywhere, that I ordered them on Amazon. By “them,” I mean a case. A case of 12 cans of Cheez Balls.

Unfortunately, this was far from straightforward transaction. It turned into an exhausting quest of sorts.

I must warn you that the following description of my Cheez Balls’ journey is not for the faint of heart. But if you dare, read on and suffer through the highs and lows of what Amazon and Planters put me through over a 3+ month period.

Planters Cheez Balls War Journal

July 18, 2018

I received my first update. So exciting! Except, ugh. Delivery delayed. And timing is… unknown.

July 19, 2018

Just one day later, another email update! Except this one just reiterates that they don’t know when they will deliver it and they will probably miss my original shipment date. So they offer me a $5 credit if I want to still wait for the package. Duh. It’s Cheez Balls. I wait.

August 3, 2018

Yet another update. This one literally had me in tears.

Planters Cheez Balls, 2.75 Ounce (Pack of 12)
Estimated arrival date: December 04, 2018

September 19, 2018

Another sad update indicating they may miss my targeted date, so they offer me yet another $5 credit. I take it. And wait some more.

October 1, 2018

Exactly three months to the day I placed my original order and had my hopes and dreams shattered on a snack food rollercoaster… I received the following email.

I could hardly contain myself. Not only were they FINALLY really and truly going to ship (Yes, I had some doubts along the way), but they would be arriving in just a few weeks!

October 4, 2018

Amazon flipped on me. Not only did they finally say my Cheez Balls would arrive in a few weeks, but they shipped it even earlier! Thursday’s email indicated that my order had shipped and it would arrive on Saturday, October 6. My pulse rate immediately doubled.

October 6, 2018

My phone is all abuzz with alerts and notifications. My favorite being Amazon’s morning alert to me:

Um, yeah, so that woke me up faster than any cold shower ever could! I raced downstairs, opened the door and finally saw my taste buds’ of yesteryear packed neatly in an Amazon box of deliciousness.

Yes you are seeing correctly. That’s 12 beautiful 2.75oz cans of Planters Cheez Balls. But would they hold up to my memory? Would they taste as good as I recall or did I just end up with a dozen cans of awfulness?

After stacking the 12 cans up (because, well, who wouldn’t?), I decided it was time to bite the bullet. Or in this case, bite the Cheez Ball.

So I opened up a can. The first thing I noticed was the white paper on top. I vaguely recall it being a metal container lid in the past. I could be totally wrong but that’s where my mind is at. No worries. It’s just a lid.

I peeled back the paper and let all the colors and smells escape the can and permeate into the air.

EXTREME CLOSEUP!

Okay, so first, the smell. In the blink of an eye, I was back in my college dorm with orange-powdered fingers. I honestly don’t know why one of these perfume companies doesn’t bottle the cheese ball smell. But yes, they smelled exactly as I remember.

As for the look, they were fairly close, although a tad bit more orange than I recall.

Smell and appearance are one thing. But we all know it comes down to taste. And… well… these Planters Cheez Balls tasted good. Let me start there. They weren’t exactly as I remembered but the more I ate, the more I loved them. If I were to give my memory’s Cheez Balls a 10, I’d probably rank these as an 8.5.

They still outrank just about every cheese ball out there on the market today, though. So to you marketing gurus at Planters, please don’t make these a limited-time only run. There’s enough room on the shelves today for more cheese balls.

Heck, the world is a very angry and confused place right now. We could all use a little love. And nothing says love more than a crunchy, orange little Cheez Ball.